The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize