FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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