i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
