Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.

(303): View more from Colorado

Some perfection is debatable.

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(970): View more from Colorado

The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

(352): View more from Florida

I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

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(425): View more from Washington

It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

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(440): View more from Ohio

i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...

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(248): View more from Michigan

my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

How is it??

(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.

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(224): View more from Illinois

She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.

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