Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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