You just made me feel so damn special
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
