Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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