Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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