the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
