And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
