I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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