Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
