Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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