my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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