I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
