11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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