On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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