i need an iv and a liver transplant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
