I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize