Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
