My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
