I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
