I am in a vortex of obligation.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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