I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
