She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
