Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
