I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
