vagina is talking i cant
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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