i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
