Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
