AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I supernannyed him into submission
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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