I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
