I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think my moral compass just broke
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
