are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
