We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
