I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
nutella sex= disaster
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
