My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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