I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
