96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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