after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
