not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize