Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
