Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
