idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
