Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
