We're like a lot better than the average bears
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize