After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
