There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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