just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
