My hand turned me down
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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