Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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