ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
