I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
