Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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