singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
