ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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