rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
