I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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