one might say we're banned from that church
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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