I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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