omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
