the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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