Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
