I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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