just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's never too late to be topless.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
