tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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