have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
