Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
