Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize