My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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